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Autonomy

by Secret Shame

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  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $10 USD  or more

     

  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    ** Art may vary from mock-ups **

    First Pressing (SOLD OUT):
    300 Black
    220 Transparent Yellow

    Second Pressing:
    347 Black
    220 Transparent Pink

    Includes unlimited streaming of Autonomy via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 7 days
    edition of 520 
    Purchasable with gift card

      $20 USD or more 

     

  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Includes unlimited streaming of Autonomy via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 7 days
    Purchasable with gift card

      $12 USD or more 

     

  • Cassette + Digital Album

    Yellow tapes with black ink. First pressing /300.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Autonomy via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 7 days
    edition of 300 
    Purchasable with gift card

      $10 USD or more 

     

  • Autonomy Test Press
    Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Limited edition of 15 test presses, each containing a couple of hand-selected photos of us in the studio.
    $20 of every sale goes to support Asheville Community Bail Fund

    Includes unlimited streaming of Autonomy via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Sold Out

1.
Hide 03:44
I’ve waited to see myself transform but all Beauty falters without room To alter, fail and fall Straight asunder Summon now The bruising hands Who’s fingers purge me Waste away Throbbing hunger Thoughts that strike, Thoughts that urge me Hide hide hide Hide hide hide Hide hide hide Hide hide hide hide Hide in catharsis Where illness becomes art Cathartic motions lay me bare Pedestals tear me apart Wasting here Wasting here Hands with fingers down my throat Wasting here Wasting give Me back the innocence you stole Hide hide hide Sick dogs get euthanized Hide hide hide Sick dogs get euthanized Hide hide hide Sick dogs get euthanized Hide hide hide hide Please hold me close Hold me close Until the sickness melts off and drops away Or hold me until I cease to exist And this mind that never ends Will end its power Starve and die Hide hide Sick dogs get euthanized Hide hide hide Sick dogs get euthanized Hide hide hide Sick dogs get euthanized Hide hide hide hide hide Hide hide hide
2.
Accelerate 03:55
Chaos walking Harsh and loud talking quick, a reckless crowd Larger than life little vision eyes intense Full of sentiment Rebel baby Break all your limbs Your minds’ holding violence Intrusive thoughts Words choke you beautiful oh god am I crazy? what will you do when you find out that I’m a mess sweetheart trauma mind She said “I have a lot of feelings, be nice to me” and “do you think I’m pretty?” when she spins the whole world gets dizzy of course I think she’s pretty Steady, strange a shining light eyes intense full of sentiment Danger baby Break all your limbs Your minds’ holding violence Intrusive thoughts Words choke you Supercharged oh god am I boring? colors wash over And I know you’re mesmerizing Sweetheart Trauma mind your demons chain you down But don’t let them make you paralyzed Dark figures in the corner I’ll destroy those who hurt her Simple, weak, and destructive you’re perfect Accelerate Accelerate Accelerate She said “Am I good or am I bad? please don’t tell me that I’m bad I’m trying so hard I don’t deserve this I don’t deserve this I don’t deserve this Oh don’t tell me that I’m bad I don’t deserve you”
3.
Luxury Bitch 02:59
Luxury Bitch When I won’t open my mouth I am disgusted Believe me, Don’t leave me Compulsive repulsion That guilt trips my body Obsessive and cruel Pleasure violates me It’s sensual It’s sensual It’s safe inside yourself It’s safe inside yourself It’s sensual Are you there Are you there When I hurt When I ache And when I start to break And when I go numb and Completely lose my head Feed or be dead Will you still be there To hold me when I am trying When I am losing And when I lose? It’s sensual Oh honey Isn’t it so dramatic Is it romantic, honest To keep being sick Poor me, I’m so glamorous It’s sensual It’s sensual It’s safe inside yourself It’s safe inside yourself It’s sensual
4.
Glass Palace 05:18
Climb in Your bath Of lye Stripped of light Be stripped of skin Then woven Into Silver silk Sewed shut with golden thread And Pressed down Removed of all air Laid there To be listless And molten glass resin Poured over your remnants Fixed in glass Fixed In permanence It’s the god inside of you That’s empty hearted It’s the god that forces you To break down and be departed It’s the god inside of you That breaks your heart and It’s the god inside of you That forces you to be destructive Destructed Seed of mercy garden Planted endlessly And uprooted through all life And uprooted through all time And then pressed down Removed of all air Laid there To be listless When he says Lie down Of course you do Or he’d force you to When he says Don’t sleep You wouldn’t dare You wouldn’t dare When he says Don’t eat You wouldn’t dare He’ll make sure you wouldn’t dare And it’s empty hearted It’s the god that forces you to Break down and be departed It’s the god inside of you That’s empty hearted It’s the god inside of you That’s empty hearted Now he’ll give you promises Now he’ll give you promises He gives you secrets He gives you secrets Now he’ll give you promises Now he’ll give you promises Now he’ll give you promises Now he’ll give you promises And press you down Remove you of all air And lay you there To be Listless To be listless To be Listless Listless Listless...
5.
Void of schism Splitting apart like you do When you’re left alone, And frightened, and inside of yourself Call it wisdom When you’re sick, broken and sad And the substance of your sickness Is the last thing that you can hold Was I supposed to know I would only break myself Trying not to die, but every moment Spent trying to live like someone else? Soulless after that Moment where she saw something Difficult about her body It’s my own voice in my head And telling my mind “Duality is fine You’re imperfect Imperfect” Oh, it’s not my fault I know I’ll be dead one day, But I can’t be alive right now Trying not to lie, but every moment Spent not being true to myself Even angels fall apart Even angels fall apart Even angels fall apart Even angels fall apart Shatter Bending matter Turn to dust, Dissipate under the weight Of this interior enigma I’m imperfect without her Without her Without her Without her
6.
I’ll get up there one day To the bottom of heaven And there’s no hunger There’s no being hungry I’ll take those stairs into a Different world One where I’m prettier one where I’m happier Up there I will find Pink skies and glitter And sparkling violet flowers Will be the only litter Green clouds and green rain A big red mirror Set in the center, So I see myself clearer I’ll have a perfect body and a Beautiful face Though it might kill me I’ll get up there one day
7.
January 03:21
I was no stranger to grime I was chugging vodka, I was mean I lived in dirty houses I had no interest staying clean And I don’t Am I still interesting? And do you ever think of me? Ego mania Ego mania She fell off a statue, She was drunk and she was high She broke her ribs And laughter hurt, A void but she is bright I wanna be a doll I want to be a doll So perfectly carved out So perfectly carved out in january I forget how to be kind in January I hope I’m still alive in january I hope I’m not dead Energy pour out my body Black filth spill from my head And all our coping mechanisms Don’t help us anyway I want to be a doll so I don’t have to use my brain I want to be a doll so I don’t have to use my brain I want to be a doll so I don’t have to use my brain ugh Fucking selfish self memoirs Stupid idiot, cunt, bitch Wasted, drunk, always making mistakes Everything that comes out of my mouth is fake Shut up, stop moving your mouth Stop moving your mouth, Stop whining Fucking whore, Ignorant I’m so tired of talking about it Stupid bitch, Narcissist I'm so tired of talking about it I'm so tired of talking about it I'm so tired of talking
8.
Persephone 05:52
In sincerity, eat away at me Insincerity, eat away at me Punish me Rip me apart Tear me down, make me into art Sculpt me into a perfect model Diamond figurine It’s not up to me It only goes off of what she’s said Persephone Grow your toxic garden in my head And when you notice you can Cut through me like wax, And I will melt away under your grasp You’ll get better at controlling me And I will get better at conforming And when you tower over me In all your glory I will crumble, I will give you All the power over me And sometimes I’ll like it I won’t lie, I’d be lost without it It’s not pretty It’s not pretty Tell me different, tell me different Tell me different, tell me Someone told me That I would be better off dead So tell me different, tell me different Tell me different, tell me Someone told me That I would be better off it’s not pretty, it’s not pretty it’s not pretty, it’s not pretty it’s really not that bad It’s really not an illness it’s not pretty, it’s not pretty it’s not pretty, it’s not pretty And how materialistic is beauty? And sometimes I have trouble Finding words To describe the things that I have heard Over time, voices telling me Give up your nourishment Or, give up your nurture This altered mind Living inside my head She won’t halt the harm Until I’m gone And sometimes I like it I won’t lie I’d be lost without it Lost without it Lost without it
9.
So fragile Control all my time and Power dynamics are fun for you Come clean now Don’t try to be my mother Tell me you’re feeding On my insecurities No empathy All your life Please shut me down and destroy me No empathy All your life How does it feel to bite an open wound? When I saved your life? I saved your life Someone should, and will, take your light Deserving of apathy “You’re a fucking liar” No promises, no apologies, No empathy Heads will roll Heads will roll Heads will roll Violently and give out No empathy All your life Please bring me down and destroy me No empathy All your life Open a wound and tear it out Open a wound and tear it out
10.
Color Drain 03:39
I’m alive But is the life in me? Pink reality and not wanting To be touched To be seen, to be held End it all Inside her body I’m a stowaway Her sharp heart And darkened states of mind Give pain Then take It away Then what should I do? Feeling high Sometimes she steers you To being alone Time and time I try to stand up For myself But it never helps And I And I sometimes really see her there Outside of myself Since I was young But at the very least Now I know I can Feign Being sane Why do I romanticize my own problems? Cause It only helps to hurt when you’re in pain Do I romanticize my own trauma? Does it help to hurt when you’re in pain? And when you drain The color out Of yourself Does everyone fail you? Or do you just want them to save you? Oh you have to decide If anyone tries to Oh you have to decide If you’ll let them help you Why do I romanticize my own problems? Cause It only helps to hurt when you’re in pain Do I romanticize my own trauma? Does it help to hurt when you’re already in pain? Either way When you’re in pain, you’re in pain You’re in pain
11.
Zero 05:05
Over the top of the city On ground we walk above the haze Pillars of light chasing away feeling No sleep, amphetamines, days lived in a daze Daze Daze Daze Daze Daze Beast in me Hard hitter Beat me Make me thinner Beat me No integrity Fuck me Hate me I cry in the doorway, But make sure to be quiet I’m so sick of hating myself Can’t I get a grasp? Halls of littered bottles I will drink until I’m dead We do so much to hurt ourselves And choose to not notice She’s always in trouble Does she like to be hurt? They tell me I’m dramatic Or they tell me that I’m too pure Stupid bitch, Crazy bitch Moments filled with excitement And moments filled with dull silence And mania and violence Numbers in voices Of past lovers in my head Telling me to control myself I’m disgusting, almost dead People I once looked up to Abusers are past heroes I’ll damage myself some more Won’t stop until I’m zero Until I’m zero zero zero zero Until I’m zero zero zero zero Until I’m zero zero zero zero Until I’m zero zero zero Zero

about

Recorded at Drop of Sun June 2021 and February 2022 by Alex Farrar
Mixed by Alex Farrar
Produced by Secret Shame and Alex Farrar
Mastered by Carl Saff

Cover art by Lena and Aster
Cover photo by Jonny Leather
Layout by Nathan

credits

released October 28, 2022

Lena - Vocals, synth
Aster - Guitar, backing vocals on Zero
Matthew - Bass, synth, backing vocals on Hide, additional guitar on Accelerate and Pink Staircase
Nathan - Drums

Additional guitar and backing vocals on Hide by Lemon Malandra

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Secret Shame Asheville, North Carolina

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