1. |
Hide
03:44
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I’ve waited to see myself transform but all
Beauty falters without room
To alter, fail and fall
Straight asunder
Summon now
The bruising hands
Who’s fingers purge me
Waste away
Throbbing hunger
Thoughts that strike,
Thoughts that urge me
Hide hide hide
Hide hide hide
Hide hide hide
Hide hide hide hide
Hide in catharsis
Where illness becomes art
Cathartic motions lay me bare
Pedestals tear me apart
Wasting here
Wasting here
Hands with fingers down my throat
Wasting here
Wasting give
Me back the innocence you stole
Hide hide hide
Sick dogs get euthanized
Hide hide hide
Sick dogs get euthanized
Hide hide hide
Sick dogs get euthanized
Hide hide hide hide
Please hold me close
Hold me close
Until the sickness melts off and drops away
Or hold me until I cease to exist
And this mind that never ends
Will end its power
Starve and die
Hide hide
Sick dogs get euthanized
Hide hide hide
Sick dogs get euthanized
Hide hide hide
Sick dogs get euthanized
Hide hide hide hide hide
Hide hide hide
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2. |
Accelerate
03:55
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Chaos walking
Harsh and loud
talking quick,
a reckless crowd
Larger than life
little vision
eyes intense
Full of sentiment
Rebel baby
Break all your limbs
Your minds’ holding violence
Intrusive thoughts
Words choke you
beautiful
oh god am I crazy?
what will you do when you
find out that I’m a mess
sweetheart
trauma mind
She said
“I have a lot of feelings,
be nice to me”
and “do you think I’m pretty?”
when she spins the whole world gets dizzy
of course I think she’s pretty
Steady, strange
a shining light
eyes intense
full of sentiment
Danger baby
Break all your limbs
Your minds’ holding violence
Intrusive thoughts
Words choke you
Supercharged
oh god am I boring?
colors wash over
And I know you’re mesmerizing
Sweetheart
Trauma mind
your demons chain you down
But don’t let them make you paralyzed
Dark figures in the corner
I’ll destroy those who hurt her
Simple, weak,
and destructive
you’re perfect
Accelerate
Accelerate
Accelerate
She said
“Am I good or am I bad?
please don’t tell me that I’m bad
I’m trying so hard
I don’t deserve this
I don’t deserve this I don’t deserve this
Oh don’t tell me that I’m bad
I don’t deserve you”
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3. |
Luxury Bitch
02:59
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Luxury Bitch
When I won’t open my mouth
I am disgusted
Believe me,
Don’t leave me
Compulsive repulsion
That guilt trips my body
Obsessive and cruel
Pleasure violates me
It’s sensual
It’s sensual
It’s safe inside yourself
It’s safe inside yourself
It’s sensual
Are you there
Are you there
When I hurt
When I ache
And when I start to break
And when I go numb and
Completely lose my head
Feed or be dead
Will you still be there
To hold me when I am trying
When I am losing
And when I lose?
It’s sensual
Oh honey
Isn’t it so dramatic
Is it romantic, honest
To keep being sick
Poor me, I’m so glamorous
It’s sensual
It’s sensual
It’s safe inside yourself
It’s safe inside yourself
It’s sensual
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4. |
Glass Palace
05:18
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Climb in
Your bath
Of lye
Stripped of light
Be stripped of skin
Then woven
Into Silver silk
Sewed shut with golden thread
And Pressed down
Removed of all air
Laid there
To be listless
And molten glass resin
Poured over your remnants
Fixed in glass
Fixed In permanence
It’s the god inside of you
That’s empty hearted
It’s the god that forces you
To break down and be departed
It’s the god inside of you
That breaks your heart and
It’s the god inside of you
That forces you to be destructive
Destructed
Seed of mercy garden
Planted endlessly
And uprooted through all life
And uprooted through all time
And then pressed down
Removed of all air
Laid there
To be listless
When he says
Lie down
Of course you do
Or he’d force you to
When he says
Don’t sleep
You wouldn’t dare
You wouldn’t dare
When he says
Don’t eat
You wouldn’t dare
He’ll make sure you wouldn’t dare
And it’s empty hearted
It’s the god that forces you to
Break down and be departed
It’s the god inside of you
That’s empty hearted
It’s the god inside of you
That’s empty hearted
Now he’ll give you promises
Now he’ll give you promises
He gives you secrets
He gives you secrets
Now he’ll give you promises
Now he’ll give you promises
Now he’ll give you promises
Now he’ll give you promises
And press you down
Remove you of all air
And lay you there
To be Listless
To be listless
To be Listless
Listless
Listless...
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5. |
Saccharine Dream
04:03
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Void of schism
Splitting apart like you do
When you’re left alone,
And frightened, and inside of yourself
Call it wisdom
When you’re sick, broken and sad
And the substance of your sickness
Is the last thing that you can hold
Was I supposed to know
I would only break myself
Trying not to die, but every moment
Spent trying to live like someone else?
Soulless after that
Moment where she saw something
Difficult about her body
It’s my own voice in my head
And telling my mind
“Duality is fine
You’re imperfect
Imperfect”
Oh, it’s not my fault
I know I’ll be dead one day,
But I can’t be alive right now
Trying not to lie, but every moment
Spent not being true to myself
Even angels fall apart
Even angels fall apart
Even angels fall apart
Even angels fall apart
Shatter
Bending matter
Turn to dust,
Dissipate under the weight
Of this interior enigma
I’m imperfect without her
Without her
Without her
Without her
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6. |
Pink Staircase
01:46
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I’ll get up there one day
To the bottom of heaven
And there’s no hunger
There’s no being hungry
I’ll take those stairs into a
Different world
One where I’m prettier
one where I’m happier
Up there I will find
Pink skies and glitter
And sparkling violet flowers
Will be the only litter
Green clouds and green rain
A big red mirror
Set in the center,
So I see myself clearer
I’ll have a perfect body and a
Beautiful face
Though it might kill me
I’ll get up there one day
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7. |
January
03:21
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I was no stranger to grime
I was chugging vodka, I was mean
I lived in dirty houses
I had no interest staying clean
And I don’t
Am I still interesting?
And do you ever think of me?
Ego mania
Ego mania
She fell off a statue,
She was drunk and she was high
She broke her ribs
And laughter hurt,
A void but she is bright
I wanna be a doll
I want to be a doll
So perfectly carved out
So perfectly carved out
in january
I forget how to be kind
in January
I hope I’m still alive
in january
I hope I’m not dead
Energy pour out my body
Black filth spill from my head
And all our coping mechanisms
Don’t help us anyway
I want to be a doll so I don’t have to use my brain
I want to be a doll so I don’t have to use my brain
I want to be a doll so I don’t have to use my brain
ugh
Fucking selfish self memoirs
Stupid idiot, cunt, bitch
Wasted, drunk, always making mistakes
Everything that comes out of my mouth is fake
Shut up, stop moving your mouth
Stop moving your mouth,
Stop whining
Fucking whore,
Ignorant
I’m so tired of talking about it
Stupid bitch,
Narcissist
I'm so tired of talking about it
I'm so tired of talking about it
I'm so tired of talking
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8. |
Persephone
05:52
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In sincerity, eat away at me
Insincerity, eat away at me
Punish me
Rip me apart
Tear me down, make me into art
Sculpt me into a perfect model
Diamond figurine
It’s not up to me
It only goes off of what she’s said
Persephone
Grow your toxic garden in my head
And when you notice you can
Cut through me like wax,
And I will melt away under your grasp
You’ll get better at controlling me
And I will get better at conforming
And when you tower over me
In all your glory
I will crumble, I will give you
All the power over me
And sometimes I’ll like it
I won’t lie, I’d be lost without it
It’s not pretty
It’s not pretty
Tell me different, tell me different
Tell me different, tell me
Someone told me
That I would be better off dead
So tell me different, tell me different
Tell me different, tell me
Someone told me
That I would be better off
it’s not pretty, it’s not pretty
it’s not pretty, it’s not pretty
it’s really not that bad
It’s really not an illness
it’s not pretty, it’s not pretty
it’s not pretty, it’s not pretty
And how materialistic is beauty?
And sometimes I have trouble
Finding words
To describe the things that I have heard
Over time, voices telling me
Give up your nourishment
Or, give up your nurture
This altered mind
Living inside my head
She won’t halt the harm
Until I’m gone
And sometimes I like it
I won’t lie
I’d be lost without it
Lost without it
Lost without it
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9. |
Chaining Eris
03:10
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So fragile
Control all my time and
Power dynamics are fun for you
Come clean now
Don’t try to be my mother
Tell me you’re feeding
On my insecurities
No empathy
All your life
Please shut me down and destroy me
No empathy
All your life
How does it feel to bite an open wound?
When I saved your life?
I saved your life
Someone should, and will, take your light
Deserving of apathy
“You’re a fucking liar”
No promises, no apologies,
No empathy
Heads will roll
Heads will roll
Heads will roll
Violently and give out
No empathy
All your life
Please bring me down and destroy me
No empathy
All your life
Open a wound and tear it out
Open a wound and tear it out
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10. |
Color Drain
03:39
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I’m alive
But is the life in me?
Pink reality and not wanting
To be touched
To be seen, to be held
End it all
Inside her body I’m a stowaway
Her sharp heart
And darkened states of mind
Give pain
Then take
It away
Then what should I do?
Feeling high
Sometimes she steers you
To being alone
Time and time I try to stand up
For myself
But it never helps
And I
And I sometimes really see her there
Outside of myself
Since I was young
But at the very least
Now I know I can
Feign
Being sane
Why do I romanticize my own problems?
Cause It only helps to hurt when you’re in pain
Do I romanticize my own trauma?
Does it help to hurt when you’re in pain?
And when you drain
The color out
Of yourself
Does everyone fail you?
Or do you just want them to save you?
Oh you have to decide
If anyone tries to
Oh you have to decide
If you’ll let them help you
Why do I romanticize my own problems?
Cause It only helps to hurt when you’re in pain
Do I romanticize my own trauma?
Does it help to hurt when you’re already in pain?
Either way
When you’re in pain, you’re in pain
You’re in pain
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11. |
Zero
05:05
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Over the top of the city
On ground we walk above the haze
Pillars of light chasing away feeling
No sleep, amphetamines, days lived in a daze
Daze
Daze
Daze
Daze
Daze
Beast in me
Hard hitter
Beat me
Make me thinner
Beat me
No integrity
Fuck me
Hate me
I cry in the doorway,
But make sure to be quiet
I’m so sick of hating myself
Can’t I get a grasp?
Halls of littered bottles
I will drink until I’m dead
We do so much to hurt ourselves
And choose to not notice
She’s always in trouble
Does she like to be hurt?
They tell me I’m dramatic
Or they tell me that I’m too pure
Stupid bitch,
Crazy bitch
Moments filled with excitement
And moments filled with dull silence
And mania and violence
Numbers in voices
Of past lovers in my head
Telling me to control myself
I’m disgusting, almost dead
People I once looked up to
Abusers are past heroes
I’ll damage myself some more
Won’t stop until I’m zero
Until I’m zero
zero
zero
zero
Until I’m zero
zero
zero
zero
Until I’m zero
zero
zero
zero
Until I’m zero
zero
zero
Zero
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Secret Shame Asheville, North Carolina
PR Contact: spencer@transmissionpublicity.com
Booking: secretshameband@gmail.com
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